Moscow, Russia

Red Square
Red Square

Red Square

Here we are in the metro! I had never experienced such a place; it was insane! We had fun on the escalators. They were so steep and long. We had to have been on each one for about 4 minutes!

king and queen

Sasha and Sveta


The team at St. Basil's

The Hat Lady

Vorsha, Russia

Our day in Vorsha was 96 degrees and very humid. Nobody came outside, so we went and sought them out, in the shade of the trees, in their yards, even into the darkness of their appartments up broken stairs and creepy hallways with dead bugs and filth everywhere. I felt so vulnerable when Anya and I went in there, but God was with us. His soft whisper has never changed: "GO." If there is anywhere I would go back, it is there. Back to that dark building filled with people so in need of God's pure light. Back to that broken woman sitting in the dirt, in her eyes such death as I have never beheld. To once again hold her hand and tell her of the Savior who gave His blood for her. To see that new spark in her eyes, not just for an instant but for a lifetime. Here I am Lord, send me.

Bible story time after soccor.

Our little friends who followed us all day

Sveta, may you find Jesus who loves you, and find Life in His Word.

You said that you would treasure it always. God is faithful!

Sobinka, Russia

Russians get quite nervous if you grin at them. We had fun with Katya when she told us that.


We visited Grandma Tamara. She is so sweet, and her joy in the Lord is huge! She is radiant.

This was our last night. Here we are with the church in Sobinka as they prayed for us. I'm guessing Anya took this picture. How sweet of her.

The team!!!

Jesus Lord Of Heaven

Jesus Lord of Heaven

I do not deserve

The grace that You have given

Or the promise of Your Word

Lord I stand in wonder

Of the sacrifice You made

With mercy beyond measure

My debt You freely paid

Your love is deeper than any ocean

Higher than the heavens reaches

Beyond the stars in the sky

Jesus, Your love has no bounds

This is "The Tree" (the band from CC Murom) performing at CC Vladimir, Russia.

Many accepted the Lord at this concert; God is so good!!!

More Than Conquerors Through JESUS

I want share with you the following words that I read this morning. Corrie ten Boom wrote them in her book Not I, But Christ, which has been a big encouragement to me.

You may have read the "verse of the week" that I just put up. These words from Jeremiah have been chasing me night and day all this week, but I wasn't going to put it up because I always put up a verse from Proverbs. Well, when I read these words this morning, I understood why God was putting that verse on my heart.

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"I see a clear resemblance between the life of a child of God these days and a soldier, standing on the front line.

'Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand" (Eph. 6:10-13)

An army has provision officers. Imagine a soldier coming to such an officer after a battle and saying: 'I could not fight; I had no guns. I was hungry, but there was nothing to eat. I saw my mate bleed to death, but I could not do anything to dress his wounds. All the time I did not know what the staff expected of me.'

And an officer who had seen to everything would answer him: 'But there were guns and food, which I provided. And you had the first-aid kit with the bandages.'

Imagine this soldier saying: 'Oh, yes, the bandages---I used them to polish my shoes.' And if he said: 'I never knew what I had to do,' the officer might say: 'I gave you a walkie-talkie, by which you could remain in constant touch with your staff.' That soldier would be punished severely.

But what are we doing, if we do not use the provision of the Holy Spirit in our battle? What are our riches; what is our background? What is our provision? We have a mighty High Priest and legions of angels on our side. We have the intercession of the Lord Jesus Himself and of the Holy Spirit. 'We know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered....It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again,...who also maketh intercession for us' (Rom. 8:26-34). And we have the presence of the Lord Jesus, who said: 'Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.' (Matt. 28:20)

He is standing at our side, in us, with us. We stand on victory ground. We have a walkie-talkie, if the Holy Spirit fills us, making our prayer a talk, a wonderful fellowship with our King.

They that are with us are much stronger than they that are against us. One day when I had to go to a place that was dangerous, I was afraid. Then somebody said to me: 'When you enter, Jesus comes in.' That is true, for if Jesus is in us and we are in Him, He is always with us. God's provision is perfect.

We need food, and the Bible is the bread that never gets stale. Heaven and earth shall pass away but the Word of God remains in eternity. We have the instruments, the connection with our headquarters. The Holy Spirit gives it to us by His fullness. He makes our prayers a talk with the Leader. You know, a provision officer can do much, but if the soldier does not obey, loses courage, or gets afraid, and leaves the provisions without using them, then this officer cannot help him.

I fear that when, later on, we hear God's judgement regarding our lives, we shall be ashamed because we lived as beggars. 'Yes, but I was so heavy laden and I was so deeply impressed by my sins.' Then the answer will be: 'Heavy laden? But you had My Word: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). You were anxious, but I told you to cast all your care upon Me. But you did not do so.'

Imagine that we should say: 'I could not forgive. I was so full of bitterness. To love my enemies surpassed my strength.' Then the answer would be: 'But you had your Bible in which it says: 'The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us' (Rom. 5:5). God's ocean of love was there for you personally to use every minute of day and night.'

Imagine that you would say: 'My sins worried me so much.' Then you would hear: 'Have you no Bible? Did you not read in 1 John 1: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins" (v.9) and "the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sins' (vs. 7). And 2 Corinthians 5:21: "He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him"?'

All God's promises are yes and amen in Jesus. God was serious about the promises He gave us in the Bible. Take the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. Because of this sword we are strong and God's Word shows us that we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ.

Lord Jesus, forgive us that so often we are discouraged because we look in the wrong direction. Teach us to accept all the riches, the strength, of Your Word, and to enjoy them that we may become Your strong, conquering soldiers. Thank You that we know that the best is yet to be. Cause us, by Your Holy Spirit, to be ashamed when we rely on ourselves and not on You. Thank You, Lord Jesus, that we can never expect too much from You. Amen."

-Not I, But Christ, by Corrie ten Boom, chapter 25

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The defeated soldier that she described is exactly the state of the defeated Christians today. How is it that we can forget the One who bought us, and through the mystery hidden for ages bestowed on us his riches beyond measure: HIMSELF, His own Person, His Holy Spirit living through our surrendered lives what we never could do on our own? Have we forgotten for days without number the VICTORY that He has already won? Have we forgotten that we are "more than conquerors" because of Him living in us? He has clothed us, His Bride, with HIS righteousness, and do we forget? If a bride cannot forget her beautiful wedding dress, how can we forget ours!? Are we that blind to His promises?

If we have confessed our sins to Him, Jesus has washed them away, forgiven us, and cleansed us from all unrighteousness. He has clothed us with Himself, commanded us to follow Him, eat of His body and blood, abide in Him, and go and bear fruit in Him. What if when we got to heaven and He said, "Where is the fruit that you bore in Me?", and we said, "Lord, I could not bear fruit. It was way too hard just to get by, just to survive. I could barely make it by myself, let alone help anyone else. I did not have time to bear fruit. I tried very hard Lord; I wanted to serve You! But even though I willed to do it, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't! Somehow I always ended up doing the things that I didn't want to do...even the things I hate! I really wanted to do those things You talked about in Your Word, but I could not. I always ended up doing the things that I did not want to do. I don't understand; I tried Lord, really I did!"

Oh how wretched it would be to end that way! It breaks my heart now just to think that that is truly how some Christians live!

In all our hearing of God's Holy Word, can we miss so much? Can we miss the Solution?

"I thank God---through Christ Jesus our Lord!!!"

May God give you understanding this day into His mystery that was hidden for so long and even seems to be hidden so often today. May you not fall back in unbelief but through faith partake of all that He has purchased for you from His great storehouse of grace. May He show you that He is the Solution; not just once when you accepted Him, not just a few times when He "helped" you with something, but EVERYDAY, everyday that you abide in Him and walk in Him, you in Him, He in you. May He dwell in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in Love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height---to know the love of Christ that passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Eph. 17-21)

May He show you His "Sweetest Song".

Squeaky Fun

After so many serious ponderings, here's a peek into the lighthearted fun in my life.

Pause the music so you can hear our silliness.

Oh, what joy can be found in simple things...

I baby-sit these kiddos often, and what fun we have! The other day we had a blast squeaking matryoshkas, playing with playdough, coloring, changing dirty diapers, laughing a lot, snuggling, reading lots of books ("There's a Wocket in My Pocket"!), doing the same Pooh and Tigger puzzle at least six times straight, dancing around to Andrew Peterson's "Slugs and Bugs and Lullabies", making a mess, and all in all just having the time of our lives.

The end result was exhaustion for the whole trio, but we were happy.

:) :) :)Have a nice day! :) :) :)

Fortification

Therefore the LORD has said:

"Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouth,

And honor Me with their lips,

But have removed their hearts far from Me,

And their fear toward Me is taught

by the commandment of men..."

Isaiah 29:13

The sinners in Zion are afraid;

Fearfulness has seized the hypocrites:

"Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire?

Who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?"

He who walks righteously and speaks uprightly,

He who despises the gain of oppressions,

Who gestures with his hands, refusing bribes,

Who stops his ears from hearing of bloodshed,

And shuts his eyes from seeing evil.

He will dwell on high;

His place of defense will be the fortress of rocks;

Bread will be given him,

His water will be sure.

Isaiah 33:14-16

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

For My own sake, for My own sake, I will do it;

For how should My name be profaned?

I will not give My glory to another."

Isaiah 48:10-11

"For My sword shall be bathed in heaven;

Indeed it shall come down on Edom,

And the people of My curse, for judgement."

Isaiah 34:5

Who will bring me to the strong city?

Who will lead me to Edom?

Is it not You, O God, who did not go out with our armies?

Give us help from trouble,

For the help of man is useless.

Through God we will do valiantly,

For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.

Psalm 60:9-12

You are my King, O God;

Command victories for Jacob.

Through You we will push down our enemies;

Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.

For I will not trust in my bow,

Nor shall my sword save me.

But You have saved us from our enemies,

And have put to shame those who hated us.

In God we boast all day long,

And praise Your name forever.

Selah

Psalm 44:4-8

"For your Maker is your husband,

The LORD of hosts is His name;

And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel...

"O you afflicted one,

Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,

Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,

And lay your foundations with sapphires.

I will make your pinnacles of rubies,

Your gates of crystal,

And all your walls of precious stones.

All your children shall be taught by the LORD,

And great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established;

You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;

And from terror, for it shall not come near you.

Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.

Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake...

No weapon formed against you shall prosper...

This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,

And their righteousness is from Me."

Says the LORD.

Isaiah 54: 5,11-15, 17

You'll Be Whole

(sunset over Georgia, from my window)

To the one in the corner I've got something to say.

You have never been alone. No, not even a day.

And I know that you feel all hope is gone away.

Lost and forgotten, innocence taken away.

But it won't always be this way.

Soon you'll awaken to a new day.

You'll be whole at last.

You'll be whole at last.

Say goodbye to brokenness

And emptiness and helplessness

And everything that stands against

Your destiny for beauty and grace.

To the one in the valley who can't feel Me now.

To the one in the valley can you hear Me now?

Because it won't always feel this way.

Soon you'll awaken to a new day.

You'll be whole at last.

You'll be whole at last.

Say goodbye to brokenness

And emptiness and helplessness

And everything that stands against

Your destiny for beauty and grace.

Morning comes and songbirds start to sing.

Can you hear the lovely melody?

Hold on...

(by Lindsey Kane)

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I came home from Russia with such an ache in my heart as I have never felt before. It felt like my heart had just beel slipped out and there was just an empty void left. I couldn't understand it.

It was such an amazing trip! I poured everything while over there, all my strength and heart and love. And early each morning I would just cry, "Lord, fill me again."

All I saw was hopelessness. Some had never heard the truth before. So many knew only of candles and prayers and standing for hours in a big cold church. Old men who have lived their whole life drowned in alchohol and drugs, when asked where they believe they are going when they die, pointed their finger down the the dirt and said, "There. Hell."

Then there was the old woman in a little village full of wooden houses. It was raining, and we walked through the mud to her house and knocked on the door. "We have a gift for you!", we said, and handed her a Bible, then began to share the Gospel. She had never heard of God before. Never heard of His Son who died for her. She loved to read, but had never seen a Bible in her life. "All my life I have been told that there is no God. But I think there is something there. I just don't know." she said. What a priviledge to be able to tell this woman that THERE IS A GOD. To tell her of the price He paid, the blood He shed, His heart that was torn. To tell her that there is hope. She was so amazed. When we left she said, "Now I know that there is a God!"

Then there was the boy who remembered my name. It has been two years since I saw him that day in his village, but immediately when he saw me he said, "Privyet, Capa." I was so amazed! Suddenly it felt almost like no time had passed since I had been to his village; in fact, it almost seemed as if only a day had passed. He was just the same little boy, and I the same girl. Yet I know that I am in a lot of ways a very different girl than I was two years ago-and perhaps he too has changed? What has happened in his life these past two years? Perhaps he has been drinking. The majority of kids start drinking and ten, twelve years of age. This boy lookes like he is maybe ten or eleven, yet he is really fifteen. You can see boy at the top of this page, in the picture on the left- he is standing right in front of me. That time he told us he was thirteen years old.

At the first concert we did in Murom, I spoke to a group of youth afterwards who were all around 15 years old. They asked us if we drank and smoked- apparently they do a lot of that! Many accepted the Lord at that same concert, and they need so much prayer!

Then there was a girl named Sveta. She was twenty one and searching for truth. "Why doesn't God just come down to earth and show us that He is real!!??", she said. "He already HAS!" said Kolya. "He has already come and paid it all." She had so many questions.

One evening we went to a rehab center. It was just Kolya and I, Sasha, and another young guy from the church named Meesha. There were seven men whom we met in this rehab center, so it was me and ten guys. That was a little odd, but I was fine, and it turned out to be such a good time of fellowship. It was funny when one of the guys pointed at me and asked Kolya (my pastor), "Why did you choose Capa to come with you to Russia?" (The rest of our group was at another rehab center at the same time.) We kinda laughed and Kolya explained that he didn't "pick me" to come to Russia, but that anyone from our church could come with him. They asked him lots of questions, then he led all of us in a Bible study, and then more questions. It got around the some questions like, "What is it like to grow up in the church, not having to come out of all these things [drugs, alchohol, addictions, ect.]? When and how does your faith become real when you grow up in the church?" Kolya looked at me. So for a while it was my turn to share. They asked a lot of questions, even about homeschooling and beyond. "So are you going to come and live in Russia?", asked on of the older men. "If the Lord wanted me to I would," I said. "If you meet some nice, young Russian guy?", he said, and grinned while I turned red and shook my head no. These men at the Rehab are reading the Bible and growing in the Lord, and He is their Deliverer. He will us them in mighty ways! We had a very good time of fellowship, and before we knew it a few hours had passed and it was late.

So many more things happened while we were there. As I flew home on the airplane, my face was glued to the little window as I stared out at the mountains of clouds, the amazing sunset, the land stretched out so far below; everthing was so beautiful! Greenland stretched out beneath us with mile after mile of snowy peaks. It took my breath away! And just as the sun was going down, everything turned golden and silver and shining with bits of rainbows. I could just imagine myself running across those beautiful clouds, singing my heart out. Sometimes I feel so happy I get crazy! People say they feel small when flying through the air, but suddenly I felt big, big enough to walk on the wind and ride the clouds. Our God does such things, and holding His hand I felt like I could go with Him and do the same.

Why then did I feel so empty when I got home? Why did my heart ache so? I had thought that maybe this trip to Russia would give me a glimpse of what God wants me to do next in my life. Perhaps He would even call me there. I love Russia and I would go there if He wanted me to, but as of now I don't feel that's what He has in mind. It renewed my mind even more though, and established me in deeper faith, and I know that this he used this trip even to prepare me for the future. You see, there was something that broke my heart on this trip. It was the instant that broken, hopeless woman looked at me and asked, "Will you be here tomorrow?" I was not going to be here tomorrow, and that's what broke my heart! It was all so new to her, she had never heard such things, and she needed more than just a half hour of hearing the truth and having her wounded arm cleaned and bandaged. She needs hands to lift her up out of her broken life, to wash her feet, to hold her, to love her, to show her! She needs feet that will go to her, walk with her, and lead her to the King!

No, I was not going to be there tomorrow.

God, next time you send me somwhere, let it be to stay!

More than ever is the pattern so beautifully clear to me, the pattern I'm beginning to understand, beginning to love:

Go, and I will be with you.

And if it's not to Russia, then it's somewhere else. I don't know when or where, but I'm excited.

And as for right now, today it is a new day. When I got home so empty and hurting I heard that song You'll Be Whole. It was exactly what I needed. Some would claim that the "new day" is only when we get to heaven. It is not! I have reason to believe it is now, every day is new with Christ! The prayer of His children, His set-apart ones, is not for heaven someday, but "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven! The Kingdom of God is not mansions, riches, or streets of gold, the Kingdom of God is near to you, in your heart!!!

Though I am emptied and aching, every morning is a new day. And I am WHOLE. I can't explain it, or even fully understand it: I am empty, yet I am full to the brim. I am broken in pieces, yet He has made me whole. I am still always thirsty, yet I have been satisfied.

So why I should flinch now? He is only answering my prayers!

"Why should we not go through heartbreaks? Through these doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshhold of God's purpose and die away in self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says---'Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.' If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

-My Utmost For His Highest, November 1st.

I have given my heart away to the King of Heaven, to do with it what He wills, even to break it. And why should I give it to another? None other is worthy. To whom have you given your heart?

Amazima

I never explained the "Amazima" site that suddenly appeared a little while back, so I thought I should. Hopefully you have already gotten a chance to look at the blog.

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When my sister and I were at the Set Apart Girl Conference, one of the girls came up spur-the-moment and shared a story with us.

The story was about a girl named Katie. Like every American girl, Katie grew up with everything she could need and much of what she could want. (We really are so spoiled here.) But Katie knew Jesus, and she wanted to obey Him and follow Him. Her dream was to become a missionary. So when she graduated high school, God lead her to Uganda to be a kindergarten teacher. She obeyed Him and went for "the summer". She fell in love with Uganda, the people, the children, everything, because she knew that she was right where God wanted her. She found her joy in walking in His will.

After school she would sometimes walk children home from school, and she found that the children had many siblings who just stayed at home. In Uganda the people cannot afford to send more than one of their children to school at once, and the privilege of sending their child to school is so precious that they will starve to make it happen, even if it is just one child.

God put it on Katie's heart to start a sponsorship program that would allow the people to send all their children to school and provide them with an education. To do this she had to have a name and an office. So they gave their program the name "Amazima", which means "the truth of Christ" in Lugandan. As for the office, the only place that she could find was a house, so she was able to buy this house for that purpose.

Well, her story continues from there, and it is amazing! Through His amazing ways, God led her to adopt two little Ugandan orphan girls. Then a few more. Then more. She now has THIRTEEN children!!! It is only two years later, and Katie is only 20 years old, with thirteen children and three hundred that come over on a regular basis. She feeds children who haven't eaten in days, bathes children who have never taken a bath in their life, puts them in her own bed, cuddles them, kisses them, and loves them. She has given up her life for them. But in doing so, she has found LIFE. She is radiant. She has Christ, and she is giving up all so that she can bring Christ to these children. She has dared to trust, obey, and LOVE her Lord who gave everything for her.

And when I heard this story I was so amazed and encouraged. God CAN use ordinary girls, ordinary men and women, who dare to forsake all to follow Him. God WILL use us if we will allow Him, ask Him, and seek Him.

I went to Katie's blog and began to read from the very beginning, in June of '07, and as I read story after story filled with God's amazing faithfulness and love, of His perfect ways and plan, I would just sit there and cry! You see, this is the same God that I love! The same God who has His perfect plan for my life that will bring Him glory. The same God who has a perfect plan for your life that will bring Him glory. And more than ever I want to follow Him, to live the supernatural life that He has purchased for me with His blood, to taste of His sweet grace.

God has used Katie Davis' story to yet again renew my mind. I guess I had never thought much about the kind of people I want to be like, or the kind of lives I would like to imitate, but suddenly I am seeing a pattern that I dream of imitating! First I had only read about it, but now I am seeing that it really does exist today. It is not always the same; in fact, it is always different in a thousand ways in each life. But the common thread is always the same, for "such are they in all ages who follow the Lamb whithersoever He goeth."

This is the same pattern that I am coming to love, as again and again my mind is renewed, I am coming to see that more than anything else I want to go too, to follow these footsteps, which are after all not the footsteps of men and women, but the footsteps of Christ who is our Life.

So I hope that you too will read Katie's story, which is really not anything strange, but is merely real life example of the life we are all called to, who claim the name of Christ as our own.

I hope that you also will weep as you read the stories and believe that we are truly more than conquerors through Him; that you will weep before God and ask Him to use you also, and to allow you to pour out your own precious spikenard on His feet in adoration.

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"The Principle of the Gospel is this: the Gospel always brings life to the receiver, and death to the giver..."

-jackie pullenger

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"No matter what the cost, I want to go. I want to walk Your road..."

-watermark

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If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

-Matthew 18:24-25